Nosebleeds
by fish-egirl
Summary: This is a colection of short storys explaining how the charicters of fairy tail get nosebleeds,  mostly from Lucy   0o0
1. Slapped

Fish-e: Okay! Hi guys!

Liz: *yawns* why the hell are you writing this right now?

Patty: murfum gurfum giraffe gruphum kid murwed sis waluphly *continues during ENITRE story*

Fish-e: Hell-ooooooo! I had caffeine! It's like, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really late… yahoo!

Happy:*yawn*Coffee. Now.

Fish-e: Righty-o! LIZ! GET THE CAT SOME COFFEE!

Liz: You don't have to yell I'm right here!*goes to get coffee any way*

Fish-e: OoooH, Happy!

Happy: *groans* Yes Fish-chick?

Fish-e: Read this or DIE *says all with _really_ creepy smile on face*

Happy: You're scarier than Jellal you know….

Fish-e: JUST READ!

Happy: yes miss! Right away Miss! Fish-egirl owns nothing but the story(s)! NOTHING!

Fish-egirl: GOOD KITTY. GoooooooooooD KITTY.

Happy: I'm scared…..

Liz: What I mis- *turns around* never mind...*leaves head*

Happy: Wait take me with you! Take me with you!

Nosebleeds

The mage attacked.

Then, nothing. Natsu didn't feel anything. He didn't feel the blow. Why? He had to know.

He opened his eyes.

First one.

Then _had_ to open the other.

Lucy had taken the blow. Lucy. Poor, Defenseless, Lucy!

It hadn't really _hurt_ her per say. (Though it would have hurt Natsu in his current state.)

But the blow _HAD_ blown her top clean off.

Natsu got a nosebleed…The mage got a nose bleed…_Happy_ got a nosebleed….

*_Slap*_

_*Slap*_

_*Slap*_

All three were in the hospital for weeks.

Happy: HELP!

Fish-e: *ZZZZZZZZ* Kitty! Stop squirming!

Happy: Help!

Fish-e: Stay _murmer murmer _Stay _murmer Stay tuned!_ *ZZZZZZZZ*

Happy: HELP! GASP! SHE'S SUFOCATING ME! GASP!

Patty: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ


	2. RUN!

Fish-e: Hello all! I think you all get the gist of it from the first one! So on with the show!

Happy: Fish-egirl doesn't on anything other than the story!

Patty: Giraffe!

Liz: Sorry about the OOC-ness!

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Lucy ran.

Her and Erza, they had to keep running.

But she was so tired…

She was slowing down.

However one glance behind, and she was off like a bullet.

"Why do we have to be so damn hot!" Lucy Said laughing,

"Don't know why you don't ask them!" Erza said in the exact same way. They both stole a glance backwards at the boys chasing them, all of them with hearts in their eyes at the strong female mages in their bikinis. They laughed and quickened their pace.

"Remind me again why we're not pounding their butts right now?"Lucy asked still laughing as Natsu and Gray came in to view.

"Probably because I don't want to be sued!" Erza laughed as the boys stood up, you could practically _see_ the fire around them. They were ticked. Not only were the girls being _chased_ but that also meant that the guys had to save them.

So as soon as the two (well at least one) strongest female mages in fairy tail were past them. Gray and Natsu got up cracked their knuckles and smirked, they looked insanely creepy according to happy.

The men who were chasing the ladies immediately turned tail and ran the opposite direction, obviously making the two boys very full of themselves.

"Thanks guys!" Lucy called; her and Erza had taken over the boys towels and were now sunbathing.

"Yes, thank you Natsu and Gray," Erza said as she stretched.

"N-no problem!" Gray said quickly turning around.

"Ya! D-don't mention it, ummm we're go for a, a, a swim!" Natsu said racing for the water with Gray.

"Weirdows…" Said Lucy as she lied down on Natsu's towel. Erza quickly agreed.

The boys were sitting in the water, their noses covered by their hands praying that no one had seen their reaction to seeing the girls in bikinis.

They had both gotten nose bleeds.

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Fish-e: so…

Liz: That was…

Patty: Crappy? Suckish? Really Bad?

Happy: Basically….


	3. Wow (Sorry for shortness)

Fish-e: This one's really short.

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_Wow_. That was all he could think.

Just, _Wow._

But, hey that's what you get for spying on Lucy.

That was before he got caught though. If you asked him now though, he'd probably say that his nosebleed had given him away. It had squirted from his nose so hard, Lucy could actually hear it.

And let's just say that Lucy's high heels really hurt when she kicks males in a _special_ area.

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Fish-e: I own nothing but the story.


	4. Loke's Turn (Sorry for calling him Luke)

Fish-egirl: Hello all!

Patty: HI!

Liz: Hey.

Grey: Hey

*ALL GASP*

Grey: What?

Together: Your. Not. Wearing. Pants.

Grey: Oh crap.

Patty: Fish-egirl owns nothing but the story(s)!

Nosebleeds Chapter 4

Have you ever gotten a nosebleed?

I have.

And trust me, they're not fun.

Some people get them often; I think that's called conical nosebleed symptom or something.

Or they get them from hitting their head/face aria.

But, no, that's not how I get them.

Nope. Not me. Not the magnificent Luke. Nope. Not me.

_I_ get them a _different_ way.

One that I'm not too proud of…

Let me explain.

Here, let's _hypothetically_ say that Lucy went to have a shower.

And let's say that she _hypothetically_ left her keys on the side table in the hall, right in front of the bathroom.

And let's _hypothetically _say that she just happened to walk out of the bathroom in only a towel.

Well, that's when _I_ get nosebleeds.

Lucky for me Lucy didn't notice.

Lucky for me it was only a little bit.

Lucky for me Aquarius didn't notice.

Lucky for me it was small enough that I could cover it with my hand.

Lucky for me I don't get them like Natsu.

Lucky for me Lucy doesn't know.

Lucky for me no one knows.

Oh crap.

You know.

Promise you won't tell?

Super-dopper-extra-trooper promise?

Good.

"**LUKE!"**

Liars.

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Fish-e: We got Grey into some pants just so you know.

Liz: I'm scared for life.

Patty: He's no longer half nude.

Grey: Oh Crap.

Fish-e: ERZA!


	5. Shredded

Fish-e: I'm Sorry it took so long! But I am alive!

Liz: She says she had 'writers block'…

Juvia: Juvia thinks she was just Lazy.

Patty: Hey! She read my mind! I like her!

Fish-e…I own nothing.

ooOO00OOoo

She looked left.

Then right.

Then left again.

Clear. No one in sight.

Lucy grabbed her shredded shirt and began running to her home. _Damn drunken idiots._ She thought as she past the magic shop. That meant she was only half way home, she had another half to go with this damn shredded shirt.

_Damn those stupid, drunken, lazy ass mages and their idiotic obsession with abnormally large breasts!_

She past the ramen shop. That meant she only had three blocks to go till she got to her apartment. A sudden hope came to her, she was so close!

Lucy ran the next few blocks to her home. Along the way she recalled the events off the earlier evening. She remembered the events as clear as day; after all, it was one of the most embarrassing moments of her life after all.

Someone had started a drinking contest.

A contest to see who could hold the most liquor, which of course was won by that alcoholic, Cana Alberona. All most everyone participated, and all most all were stone cold drunk afterwards. Then some idiot had stated that Lucy was covering too much skin and grabbed at her shirt. She'd swatted him away of course, but the others had gotten the same idea, and soon her shirt was shredded.

The entire front, ripped.

Well, she wasn't just going to let them get away with that was she? After all she'd built quite the reputation of not just being a sexy bimbo; she had to up hold her honor. Plus she was down right_ pissed_ at the damn brutes. So she'd summoned Virgo, and though they had tried to demolish her clothes too, she'd knocked them all unconscious.

Most of the male mages limp bodies were thrown across the guild. All though some of the more, _responsible_ members had left, like Elfman and surprisingly, Grey, (but he was probably dragged away by Juvia after a few drinks). However one of the most irresponsible, stupid, and idiotic member of the guild was no were in sight as she'd made a mad dash for the exit. And he had damned well participated in the drinking feast, she distinctly remembered Happy and him singing '_It's a small world after all!'_

Lucy had assumed that Erza had dragged his drunken ass to her apartment, because Erza, being one of the most powerful mage in Fairy Tail history had to have an apartment or a house, right?

Afterwards she'd run out of their faster than you could say '_embarrassed as shit_'.

She really couldn't believe that that had happened, but really, she should have expected it. After all, it _was_ Fairy Tail.

She ran up the stairs, then trough open the door to her apartment. She was too tired after all that running and her limbs felt like noodles. So Lucy threw the remains of her shirt into the trash bin by her desk and flopped onto her bed in merely her bra and skirt. She didn't really care though, Grey was probably getting attacked by Juvia, and Lucy was positive that Erza had taken Natsu with her. SO that eliminated all the possible home raiders from her list. And without worry that one of them would see her she stretched out on her bed, rolling onto her stomach. Only to find something hard and rather large beneath her.

Lucy looked down franticly, only to find something she had hoped would not happen. Her face turned cherry red as she saw an equally red Natsu with his head inconveniently stuck between her breasts.

Lucy was frozen with shock. This was lucky for Natsu, since there was a steady stream of blood protruding from his nose at the current moment.

That was the moment Lucy shoved him onto the floor, and cocooning herself within her blanket while franticly reaching her arm for a shirt.

Natsu however was utterly confused and fell asleep sprawled out on Lucy's floor.

ooOO00OOoo

Juvia: Juvia took Grey ~ 3

Fish-e: I hope you all liked it! I promise to update on everything shortly, so don't worry there will be more!

Patty: It'll be involvin' a Bookworm and Iron Dragon!

Liz: Patty! Don't tell them!


	6. Shrimp

**Hello! I promise, from this point onward, it will be all crack unless I get a request.**

*Sparkle*Sparkle*Sparkle*

Gajeel had never expected Levy to just jump in front of him like she had, creating a shield out of words as she blocked his opponent.

Of course, the shield had only lasted one blow, but it had bought them some time.

"Shit!" The iron dragon slayer yelled as he slung the bookworm over his shoulder. Their opponent was farther behind them now than he had been before, but they were still doing pretty horrid.

Honestly, he thought she said this job was going to be easy. Go get a statue from some thieves, simple enough.

They hadn't mentioned the huge ass monster the thieves had with them.

"I'm not a sack of potatoes you know!" Levy had called over his shoulder, that damned feather thing on his upper arm kept slapping her face.

"Ya, I know, potatoes are heavier," He shouted back as he raced through the forest. Why was this so damn hard? Seriously, he could crush that monster on his own if he wanted to, no problem. But then, that was the problem, he wasn't alone. He had this stupid Shorty to look out for.

"Will you stop for a minute and listen!" The petit girl squealed, pounding on his back.

"What?" He stopped running for a moment, cocking his head to hear her.

"We have to play this smart!" Levy said, twisting herself so that she met his eyes. "I say, we play like you're going to stay back and fight the monster while I go running, like during the exams. But instead of running away, I double back and place a ruin trap over the thing, deal?"

He paused for a moment before a menacing smile appeared on his face, "Deal,"

He set her down as the creature caught up with them. He assumed a protective pose in front of her and flexed his hands, cracking his knuckles.

"Ready?" He asked giving the petite girl beside him a cocky grin.

"Ready," Levy said nodding. She turned and ran, leaving Gajeel with the beast.

He lunged forward as the creature roared, landing a good punch to the things jaw. He jumped back, slamming his feet off one of the surrounding trees; he used it to propel himself forward. Transforming his right arm into a dagger, he sliced through the monsters left arm. He turned mid air, preparing to land another blow when the things tail had swatted him away. He landed against the ground with a hard thump, cracking his left rib on impact.

"Now you're really pissing me off," He said through clenched teeth. He prepared to launch another attack when he saw a flash of light blue in the top of the large tree behind the monster. He grinned; it was about time the shrimp showed up.

He jumped sideways, dodging another blow from the things massive tail, "Any time now would be nice, Bookworm!"

Levy huffed as he yelled; these things took a bit of time! Finally it was ready, and Levy turned from her position in the tree. She saw the monster with its back to her. Perfect. Leaning forward she jumped from the tree giving her the perfect position to place the ruin trap on it.

It also gave Gajeel the perfect view of her lace blue panties.

A sharp spurt of blood poured from his nose as he saw her yellow dress ride up when she jumped. She placed the ruin on the back of the beasts back and jumped down, landing with a thud on her but. Her legs were pulled up, allowing him to see the little bow at the top of her underwear.

"Now, Gajeel!" She cried, not noticing what he had seen. He nodded, seemingly in a daze. With one well positioned blow the monster was dead as then Levy was hugging him.

"We did it!" She cried excitedly. All he could do was nod, trying to keep a steely exterior. "Gajeel! Are you hurt?"

"Wha-?"

"Your nose is bleeding. Do you think you broke it?"

"No,"

*Sparkle*Sparkle*Sparkle*

**There. Done. From now on, it's all crack, I swear. **

**I don't own fairy tail.**


End file.
